She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
