Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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