Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm both gender and math confused
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
