he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
