Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
