I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i will never coherently bang her
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
