He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
