what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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