It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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