When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
