She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
