Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
