only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
