dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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