if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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