i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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