so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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