Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
