so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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