I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
