I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
