White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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