My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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