i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
