Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
