A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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