Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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