What a fucking waste of an outfit
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
