apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
