Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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