my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
