I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
