can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
