he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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