sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
