Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
pray to the hookup gods
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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