if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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