dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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