I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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