Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
