hotel room ftw
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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