she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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