I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
