I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
