maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
