I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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