my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
