As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
