The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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