Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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